Tired of complaining about complaining

LIFE IS UNFAIR, AIN'T IT? YOU WORK SO HARD TILL YOUR ASS ALMOST FELL OFF AND YET YOU ARE PATHETICALLY UNDER PAID, UNAPPRECIEATED, AND WORKLOAD NOT JUSTIFIED TILL IT IS ALMOST IRRATIONAL.

I'm so tired of doing this already. Complaining. I'm tired of complaining about complaining. The problem is, I don't know how to deal with this, which is why I turn to verbal vomitting to vent my frustration. To the extend of annoyance I would say. To the people around me, to myself. Everytime I complain about the same issue, same problem, same people, same screw up. Same shit, different day. Pardon me, when the level of profanity increases, then you know that this is no kidding shit. Excuse my French thoughout this post. I had a bad day, bad week. So bare with me.

I'm tired. I'm confused. And I'm lost. It feels kind of empty inside (echo: "hello...anybody thereeeee??"). One of the crossroads when you stop and ponder (though I wish I have more time for that), due to circumstances in life that rocked your boat a bit thus changing the way you look at things in life. For me, money had never been an issue. Before I started working, I had the most idealistic view on career paths. "Money is not important, as long as you are passionate about your job." It is still true. PASSION IS IMPORTANT. But working life is hard without money. MONEY IS IMPORTANT TOO!

The truth is I'm broke. There, truth hurts. My pocket hurts. Auww.. I'm living from pay-check to pay-check. It's bad you know. It's hard being in the front line and doing most of the donkey work and yet the pay is low. Well people might say it's normal, especially in the journalism world. Over work and under paid. What else is new?

From how I see it, LIFE IS SO UNFAIR! You work so hard everyday going out getting the news and the pay is low, whereas some other people just sit in the office, be part of the office "decorative item" and watch You Tube whole day behind the PC. For that measure of "work", you are being paid way too much. Well, lucky for "that person", I guess. Worst is, for somebody who does so little, should not demand so much from other people. Especially if you don't even have a slightest clue on how the task of a field reporter is, I suggest you to just shut up.

Oh I'd like to see her chasing after the Prime Minister during press conference with those heels and hair. Ugghh... Some people should just remain as decorative ornaments I suppose. You can not imagine what kind of stupidity I have to face and question everytime I'm being throw a ridiculous assignment to cover. I've been asked why do I have to question so much all the time. WELL HELLO, SOME PEOPLE HAVE BRAINS TO THINK. This is what you call THINKING OUT OF THE BOX. I'm TRAINED to ask question. Critical, cynical and sceptical. That's me. Some people especially of higher ranks whom I'd like to call "stuperior", gets really annoyed when his/her authority is being questioned. That is one of the problem working in a HUAN NA company, where they are very hierachy based. But then again that's MY problem. I know I am anti-administrative. I don't take instructions as they are. If I dissagree, I will question. Call me communist I don't care. I get pissed when surrounded by incompetence and people who don't use their brians. The least you could do is provide me with an intelligent answer lah, not "because so-and-so said so." WTF?

I might get fired for posting this, but what the heck, I don't care anymore. Don't be so perasan okay. Siapa makan cili, dialah rasa pedasnya. I'm a cool and easy-going character by nature. So to piss me off to this level, I must congratulate that somebody for stirring so much anger in me. By the way, it's been bottled up for quite some time now. That last threat I got was during the MTV Asia Award coverage. She really went overboard I think. Bear in mind it was ONLY MTV Asia in Genting Highlands, and NOT Permatang Pauh By-Elections, she has been harassing me since day one of event for live crossovers. Problem arose when she wanted a live crossover at the moment where I wasn't even prepared nor settled properly, in the midst of registration, created some drama in the office that I refused to co-orperate. More like she refused to understand. Would a crossover of 2pm and 3pm makes a HUGE difference is a pre-event press conference? Next thing I know, I got a message from her:

-->> sulin, u need to improve on ur reporting... or i will not send u outstation assignment anymore (wtf? I almost blew my top off!)

-->> can u point out which part I shud improve on? I appreciate ur opinion.

-->> we shall discuss this further. not on ym. i need to see u and talk.

Let's ANAL-yse the situation here. What was her motive of sending me such harsh message and not telling me the reason? Why can she not give me clear instructions upon request, why wait so I can "improve" all the better right? I say it is a personal attack. What do you mean IMPROVE IN MY REPORTING? After ONE year, NOW I need improvement? Worst was, I worked my ass off all alone there and not helping was her bitchy-ness. Can you imagine, on the event itself, I gave live crossovers every single hour on MTV updates from 2pm until 11pm. Improve what you say? Improve my ass lah...

Until now she doesn't have my respect. I'm sorry but respect needs to be earned. Don't expect me to respect you when you do NOTHING but be a queen B*TCH and expect to be acknowledge. Sorry naik lorry... I'm still keen to sit down with her and "talk" about how I can improve in my reporting. I'd really like to know. But someone else have to be in the dicsussion to facilitate, otherwise bad aftermath.

Sigh. You see life is NOT a bed of roses. Even roses have thorns. It's either you live with it or worse come to worse, if you can't stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen! The truth is, I do love my job. It's my passion. But I'm having problems with the people, NOT the job. It all boils down to HOW DO YOU HANDLE THE STRESS:

PROBLEM #1: Transport allowance is shitty LOW, barely enough to cover basic car expenses. Fuel price increased and yet still no increament in car allowance. How can??? Make no sense, petrol price increase, but allowance no increase. Obviously WE ARE ON THE LOSING END! And NOW everyday average of 2 assignment (double task, more places to travel, thus more fuel consumption), and yet STILL NO INCREASE. This is ridiculous and irrational. So can somebody tell me the solution to this problem because I am at wits end and I've been raising this issue to my bosses but nobody seems to take heed. Nobody seems to care.

SOLUTION:

a) Beg for money to pay off the car expenses/donation box in office for reporters wellfare.

b) Find a side income: hey, prostitution seems like the easiest and fastest money.

c) Find a better paying job: benefits and wellfare well taken care off. Everybody has a right to LIVE comfortably okay.

d) Marry an old rich man, then inherit all his money after he "accidentally" dies of heart attack/food poisoning/fall of the stairs/bitten by the neighbour's dog.

PROBLEM #2: Office communications. Trust me, I love my colleagues/bosses to the bits. I enjoy working in my office, we are like family. Except for ONE person which I don't like speaking to and can't seem to communicate well with. Enough said. I could go on and on bitching about her. But no, I'm much bigger than that.

SOLUTION:

a) Sit and talk and TRY to find ways to mend the sour relationship.

b) Continue to annoy her until she quits her job (yay!).

c) Allow her to annoy me until I quit.

I STILL DO NOT HAVE THE SOLUTIONS TO MY PROBLEMS. ONLY GOD CAN HELP. IN THE MEANTIME, I MIGHT NEED TO HIRE A FINANCIAL CONSULTANT AND LIFE COACH TO HELP SORT MY LIFE AT THIS POINT OF TIME. WAIT I'M BROKE, I CAN'T HIRE ANYONE. SO, ANYBODY HAS A SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY TO FULFILL? PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME.