Oh The Irony!

What is winning 2 awards in a row (literally one day after another) but you still can't read the news? By right one should be happy that it is a personal milestone especially in my budding career. Definitely a great honour receiving the awards alongside established journalists of much longer experience and seniority. But again the heart is not at peace. In fact in pieces. Nothing else matters when you can't read the news. The passion in everything else just died off. Sigh.

My Theme Song: The Climb by Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it

That dream I'm dreaming but

There's a voice inside my head sayin,

You'll never reach it,

Every step I'm taking,

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking but I

Got to keep trying

Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain

I'm always going to want to make it move

Always going to be an uphill battle,

Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,

Ain't about how fast I get there,

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's The Climb

The struggles I'm facing,

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes they knock me down but

No I'm not breaking

I mean I know it

But these are the moments that

I'm going to remember most yeah

Just got to keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on...

There's always going to be another mountain

I'm always going to want to make it move

Always going to be an uphill battle,

Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,

Ain't about how fast I get there,

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

Keep on moving

Keep climbing

Keep the faith baby

It's all about

It's all about

The climb

Keep the faith

Keep your faith...

little.black.book

Knew about the boutique for some time now. Finally had a chance to take a peek at what's in store (in Bangsar). Boy, it was love at first sight! Only I had the moolahs to splurge! The clothes are so colourful, chic and hip. So me! I love their dresses and cute unique outfits. Especially with lots of colour, psychedelic and the bohemian/retro chick look. And they are so affordable! Some of the cute stuffs that caught my eyes. My wish list (well sorta):

Cute and very Gossip Girl indeed. Dress at only RM49.90!

Sweet and sexy alluring dress! Very Hawaiian me likey much! It's so afforable.. Only RM32.90!

I so want this! Cute kitty cat top only RM32.90!

Oh their party dresses are to-die-for! Especially the satin dresses. Sexy but not skanky. Too many caught my eyes but I can't possibly post it here. I think I may have promoted the store a bit too much. Since I don't get any commision so I'll just stop here and view the rest at http://littleblackbookmy.blogspot.com/

Sunday Morning

Suddenly I felt like going to church.. But somehow or rather I doubt the sudden "burst of faith" at this point, as I have not been attending for about a year now & SUDDENLY, I want to go..

I guess I'm just lost and I need guidance..

In times of crisis, I find the issue of "God" somehow becomes very relevant. I thought I could be a somebody, meant to do great things, write my own destiny.. but turns out I failed. I'm just a nobody. I have failed and it's hard to swallow. Especially to find out that something you are so passionate about, just crumble right in front of you. Stripped and thrown out to face the cold truth: "it's just not meant for you.."

Boss wants to take me off Sunday night news (apparently my newreading sucks, and there were some complaints). Therefore I'm slotted in for the Sunday morning news. So what wrong with Sunday morning? Well, there's church! And the fact that I have problem waking up in the wee hours of morning (but that's not an excuse I know).

The thing is.. my MAIN purpose IS to read news! So if I'm slotted in the Sunday morning news (where they already have their respective anchors to read the news), well bingo! Mission failed. Therefore working on Sunday morning defeats ALL my purposes. It'll be just for the sake of money which I find pointless! Personally, I need to be driven by PASSION. Imagine being so miserable on Sunday mornings (the whole day would be wrecked anyway) just for 120 bucks! Is it really worth it?? Yes, it also cuts down my precious weekend at home, as the travelling up and down is crazy, thus interrupting my quality time home.

At the end of the day it really boils down to VALUE VERSUS WORTH (taken from Confessions Of A Shoppaholic - haha). Time for some serious re-evaluation: "what makes ME happy?" Money? Already my pay is PEANUTS! Minus 500 is close to not earning enough to cover my expenses. Not good either.

Well do you think I'm mad to forgo the offer and put my faith to test??

My heart says: go church. My head says: no money.

My heart says: but I don't like to do Sunday mornings, in fact, I HATE IT.. My head says: do whatever it takes to get the job done!

But my heart says: NO PASSION, my head says: BUT IT'S MONEY!!!

Depressed, oppressed, suppressed, unable to express!

Bottomline is.. everything else doesn't matter anymore if I don't get to read news. I don't know if I have stressed enough that: if I don't get to read news, I'll be so miserable thinking I'm a step backward and NOT forward. In fact, I DON'T want to be reminded of THAT by taking the job on Sunday mornings! I DON'T want to be reminded of my defeat. Future seems bleak now. My dream of being a newsreader is farther and farther away... It breaks my heart. Really.

But deep down inside, I think I already know the answer. Time to listen to the whispers of my heart. It may be filled with uncertainties that's for sure, but I know my heart will be at peace. This is the part where I put my faith to test.

Let go. Let God.