Bruised but not broken

Phew! What a _________ (can't find a word to describe it) 2 weeks it had been. Involved stressing out unnecessarily, crying excessively, worried endlessly, shocked unexpextedly, tired usually. Not helping is the delay of this blog entry, which makes me forget most of the details. Dang! This is the signs of old age. Little Miss Forgetful =)

Let's see if I can remember... Looking back, some things are actually no big issue, but somehow the emotions were magnified to the power 100 then. Well let's just say I screwed up a couple of times. 1st asignment that was screwed: I was supposed to attend Dr. Muhammad Yunus' public lecture at UIA. Clever was I that I took the bus the says "UIA" and somehow it landed me to UIA PJ not UIA Gombak. All along I thought there was only ONE UIA and I was heading to the right one. To make the long story short, I went to the wrong place which resulted in me NOT being able to meet the Nobel Laurate Winner and interviewing him (which was instructed by my boss). So my trip up to UIA Gombak which I had to take a RM30 cab ride from UIA Petaling Jaya to Gombak (which was damn far man... almost reaching Genting!) was a waste.

How devasted I was!

To add to my misery, I accidently twisted/pulled my thigh muscles while rushing out from the taxi that left me walking a little limp after that. Ouch! So I made my way back to office after that fearing of what my boss would do if he found out. I was almost to tears when I told him about what happened. Thank God he did not scold me. But after that I couldn't hold it any longer I just dashed to the toilet and cried my heart out. I self-pitied myself at that time. Sakit hati and then sakit kaki. Boo hoo...

Emotional wreck lah me...

The thing is, my boss didn't even marah me (he just playfully knocked my head.. itu pun tak sakit) but I still cried like a baby. Silently in the toilet cubicle. Actually it's no big deal. Really. Just that I was disapointed with myself. That's all. I so wanted to get it right. I wish I could do my best and perform better. But I failed. But we learn from mistakes no? I'm sure there's more oppurtunities to come.

*fingers crossed*

Sometimes waves of stress just flood over my head and I get panicky. Anxiety hits. You get the chills. Nervous. Butterflies-in-my-stomach. Kecut perut when everytime called out to do assignments. But that's what kept me going.

Adrenaline rush.

Sometimes I ask myself.. Can I do this? Do I really have what it takes? Before this I wanted it so badly. Now that it's been laid before my eyes, will I be able to grab it and deliver whatever I wished for so badly before this? Will I be able to perform? Just last week one of my colleague who is also my friend resigned unexpectedly. Everyone in the office was shocked. Including myself. She seemed so interested and enthusiastic before this. And she just left with reasons that she felt she's not suitable to work in radio. It's quite sad.

"Don't ever think you are indispendsable..."

Yikes! *shiver*