The pursuit of happiness... Figuring out LIFE and embracing it as it comes.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Depressed Opressed Surpressed (D.O.S)

Usually this term is only used in debate, where I'm usually the one depressed, oppressed and surpressed by "The Dictator". But today I somewhat felt the same way, just worst, magnified to the power of 1000.
Today 1st time went on air, 2-6pm "English slot" with Bahasa here and there. I just did what boss said and today I kena "burned". OUCH! NO words could express how I feel when I was told to wrap up at 5pm when my slot was supposed to be until 6pm. Kena halau. Huhuhuhu...
Yeah that was what I felt.
Hey, was I that bad till I kena halau? I do admit it may be a little boring. Cut me some slacks lah... I was just getting used to the whole equipment which was new to me. I haven't touched one of those in 3 years. Not to mention I was somewhat unprepared lah. Obviously, because I was so busy doing something else i.e. editing audio stuff and out covering stories. But then again, it's not your problem right? Yeah, why did I even bother complaining.
Ok talking about complaining. Yes I admit sometimes I complain too much. Gosh it's so annoying I know. Trying to curb this bad habit. But there's actually a lot of factors to it. For example nobody understands the life of a public tranporter like me. I hate going back late because I will then worry if my train or bus will then turn into pumpkins after 12 midnight. Or how dangerous is it to take public transportation especially at night. I get paranoid when I'm alone in the streets at night. Nobody understands this. Thus it kind of affects other things as well. Somehow it feels like I complain too much but the matter of fact is, there so much more reasons behind it. I so want a car now. Sigh. Nobody understands, and nobody cares. That's why it's probably good to vent it in here. At least I get to vent my frustration and express myself without people saying to my face that I complain too much. Complain or no, I just don't care.
Anyhoo, today may be my first and last time I have a four hour slot for myself to anchor as boss said they have to re-evaluate and access the English block again. At the moment choices are either whole thing in English or BM, not mix. However the former seemed least likely at the moment.
*fingers+toes crossed*
Just when I'm just about to get started, my hopes and dreams are now crushed. I know I made mistakes, and maybe I bore you with my stupid ikan bakar stories. I wasn't really sure about the format as well. Should I sound more mature instead of bubbly (which is being just myself). And I was so dead conscious about my English (no thanks to Mr.R) that I forgot to add LIFE to my show which explained why it sounded so monotonous. Even I myself at one point felt that I sounded boring and old... But I'm willing to learn and I so want to improve and be better and ultimately be the best. May take some time. Sigh, I don't know what to hope for now...
It is when you expect so much that when not able to achieve it, you fall down so hard that you crash.

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