Usually this term is only used in debate, where I'm usually the one depressed, oppressed and surpressed by "The Dictator". But today I somewhat felt the same way, just worst, magnified to the power of 1000.
Today 1st time went on air, 2-6pm "English slot" with Bahasa here and there. I just did what boss said and today I kena "burned". OUCH! NO words could express how I feel when I was told to wrap up at 5pm when my slot was supposed to be until 6pm. Kena halau. Huhuhuhu...
Yeah that was what I felt.
Hey, was I that bad till I kena halau? I do admit it may be a little boring. Cut me some slacks lah... I was just getting used to the whole equipment which was new to me. I haven't touched one of those in 3 years. Not to mention I was somewhat unprepared lah. Obviously, because I was so busy doing something else i.e. editing audio stuff and out covering stories. But then again, it's not your problem right? Yeah, why did I even bother complaining.
Ok talking about complaining. Yes I admit sometimes I complain too much. Gosh it's so annoying I know. Trying to curb this bad habit. But there's actually a lot of factors to it. For example nobody understands the life of a public tranporter like me. I hate going back late because I will then worry if my train or bus will then turn into pumpkins after 12 midnight. Or how dangerous is it to take public transportation especially at night. I get paranoid when I'm alone in the streets at night. Nobody understands this. Thus it kind of affects other things as well. Somehow it feels like I complain too much but the matter of fact is, there so much more reasons behind it. I so want a car now. Sigh. Nobody understands, and nobody cares. That's why it's probably good to vent it in here. At least I get to vent my frustration and express myself without people saying to my face that I complain too much. Complain or no, I just don't care.
Anyhoo, today may be my first and last time I have a four hour slot for myself to anchor as boss said they have to re-evaluate and access the English block again. At the moment choices are either whole thing in English or BM, not mix. However the former seemed least likely at the moment.
*fingers+toes crossed*
Just when I'm just about to get started, my hopes and dreams are now crushed. I know I made mistakes, and maybe I bore you with my stupid ikan bakar stories. I wasn't really sure about the format as well. Should I sound more mature instead of bubbly (which is being just myself). And I was so dead conscious about my English (no thanks to Mr.R) that I forgot to add LIFE to my show which explained why it sounded so monotonous. Even I myself at one point felt that I sounded boring and old... But I'm willing to learn and I so want to improve and be better and ultimately be the best. May take some time. Sigh, I don't know what to hope for now...
It is when you expect so much that when not able to achieve it, you fall down so hard that you crash.
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